As I grew up one might say I was a loner. Basically, I avoided close involvement from many of the cliques in school and around town. In high school, I associated with the "jocks", the "greasers", and the "druggies", as well as the serious students. Throughout my earlier years I found it difficult to take refuge in any one group for social support as this would separate myself from the whole. Although I was involved with everyone, I never allowed myself to get too close. Yet, I had a few good friends.

Much of my free time was spent exploring the back forest at home, taking apart radios or engines to see how they worked or fixing things around the house for my parents or grandmother. The quality of my family life was minimal as my parents were divorced and my mother was often busy working to support the household. However, there was Ginny, our black nanny, who was there as a supporting mother figure. She was with my grandmother for forty to fifty years helping to raise my grandmother's children and my immediate family. She had given up all her family connections for us. We were her family, life and Love. She gave all that she had for us kids. Ginny was one of the most selfless persons I've ever known and much good in the family came from her. I feel fortunate to have had her in my life.

I attended college in the East until one day something made me decide to venture West. Somehow, I knew there had to be another way of life. I didn't know exactly where I was going or what I was looking for. Despite the negativity of everyone telling me how lonely I would be, I packed my things into an old Ford Maverick and ventured onto the highway. As I said my good-byes, I'll never forget the memory of Ginny crying as I pulled the car out of the driveway. Onward I drove, unaware of what was going to happen next and looking forward to each new experience breathlessly. Surely I was alone, but in no way lonely.

I ended up in Tucson during a summer monsoon storm. While calling back East at a gas station I learned of relatives not previously known to me. I looked them up, and to my surprise, there was a cousin my age who was attending The University of Arizona in his third year. Within a week I was back to college full time working towards my Bachelor of Science. In the Southwest, there was a whole new way of life compared to the New York lifestyle. At first, I didn't understand why people were so friendly. Walking along the sidewalks, it was common to hear a "Hello," followed by a genuine smile. I was not culturally used to greeting strangers this way. Expressive outgoing behavior always meant someone was trying to hustle you. Eventually, I adapted to this new way as I realized it was safe to express myself without fear of being misunderstood.

A couple of years passed working my way through school on a considerably low budget. There were times when money was scarce and I actually lived out of an old 1966 Delta 88 to finish the last month of school. There were even times when I would eat meals as I walked through supermarket aisles. There wasn't much luxury but that never took the smile off my face. I learned to have nothing and still be happy - actually to be appreciative for what I had, rather than frustrated for what I couldn't possess.

Throughout my life, exercising has always been a part of everyday living. Aside from the enjoyment of a healthy body, the discipline to maintain one's physique gives a satisfaction money cannot buy. The land of the Southwest has always fascinated me. Hiking, exploring and camping the desert and mountain terrain's always allowed for much fresh air, exercise and sunshine.

During late September, in the canyons in Tucson, water stops flowing, resulting in bacteria build up in the natural pools along the desert river-bottom paradise. After running five miles in the hot Arizona sun along the canyon trail, my thirst brought me to one of those pools for a drink of water and a swim. Four weeks later, suffering from exhaustion, weakness and intense pain near my stomach - unable to work and insufficient funds for a doctor visit, I was able to find a clinic in South Tucson that would take a look at me. The diagnosis was instant from the nurse, as she recognized the symptoms of infectious hepatitis. She suggested I should take a look in a mirror and to my dismay, my eyes and skin glowed an eerie yellow. Naturally, I had no idea what hepatitis was. I went directly to the medical library and learned about the disease. The nurse told me I would be contagious until my urine turned from dark yellow to clear. A friend learned of my condition, she took me in, hid my car keys and insisted that I rest until my condition improved and my symptoms subsided. At this time, I had heard there were auditions being held in a local male revue dance club.

Inadvertently, my weight dropped from 185 lbs. down to 158 lbs., very broke, but still smiling, I won the audition competition. I danced and paid my way through college for the next two and one-half years. During this time, Keri entered my life and soon after we became engaged. This period of time was significant in that it became a new age for me. Situations and certain people I grew to respect revealed things to me about myself that were difficult to ignore. I began to see myself as a typical man in this society struggling to maintain an image. My relationship with my fiancé devolved to be a love/hate one. Unfortunately, my dancing came between us and our relationship became typical. I loved her but recognized my need to grow. Reluctantly, I left Keri, dancing, and Tucson in search of myself. I stayed alone searching for answers for a long time. Eventually I went back to dancing on a seasonal basis. This time with a new perspective.

Now ten years later . . . a different person has emerged with a refined insight. Through the years as a male dancer various situations within night clubs and interactions with people passed before me. I went through a journey of experiences which could have led me to grow in countless directions. The path I chose, however, was a matter of personal choice. We become who we are by our own discretion as we confront our personal stresses of life. The direction one decides to choose depends on the inclination of their soul. The experiences we go through can mold us, or we can work through experiences, growing to ultimately emerge a stronger and more complete individual.

The inspiration to write this book has developed through the years. Countless conversations and confrontations have increased my awareness of the fact that many people yearn to communicate their deepest feelings about themselves, yet few have the opportunity for deep understanding within their life situations. Therefore, much that is deeply needed to be expressed is held within causing communication barriers to build in their lives. The greatest barrier which one must break through is the link to themselves.

It is my hope that whoever explores these pages will be able to recognize, and therefore strengthen, the wisdom within themselves. Some of the principles might seem confusing at first, but if you allow yourself to be objective you will find most things revealed in the pages that follow to be simple truths which are difficult to deny. It is also my hope that my ability as a writer enables the message to be conveyed with as little misunderstanding as possible.